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Trying to look good for someone serves what purpose? To impress? To create false impressions? When we primp before going out, put on makeup, or that extra piece of jewelry, who is it really for? Do people want to see us like that—for something we really aren’t? If we aren’t confident in looking the way that is expected of us, does it really make a difference at all? Why is it expected to begin with? Who created these standards?

There is no purpose to be anything other than you for anybody else. Is it not considered lying to lead them to think you are something other than that? Even the people you are most comfortable with should understand and be appreciative for who you really are. Having to look a certain way for the sake of friends…..doesn’t make sense really. Surely those that love you, do so because they know you without all of those things. And that’s what matters to them, right? I’d hope so.

There are reasons as to why I dislike dressing up, putting on makeup, and wearing anything fancier than my hemp necklace. It’s not who I am, and when I’ve done any of those things in the past, it feels like I’m hiding—like no one can actually see me because I’m in costume. Those things make me feel like I am less sure of myself, as if I need them to draw attention to me and feign confidence. That’s not how I am at all. I’ve been told, “a little *insert makeup product here* would only enhance how pretty your eyes are,” or “, that would draw attention to your *insert part of body*, which I think is really cute.” If something is already pretty, why not let the other natural features that I have do their job to “enhance” it? Is it really necessary to put some synthetic thing on my face to make it look better? Because that gives me the impression that I’m not good enough as I am and if that’s the case then screw you all. Same goes for clothes. If my figure is “cute” already, clearly you noticed it and I don’t need to try any harder to grab someone else’s attention. If that’s what you think it takes, clearly men of your standards are really shallow and like high maintenance girls. If no one can accept me for the way I am, then I’d rather die alone.

I’ll go the extra mile for some people; however I won’t do it by being fake. I am not Barbie by any means. There are better ways to impress people, but they all come naturally. If you aren’t capable of doing it, then you just weren’t meant to reproduce.

Chirp

She needs to get her nails done. She wants a facial when she gets home and needs to schedule her next waxing. Her back hurts from carrying a backpack; she could really use a massage. Oh my gosh, there’s a gecko in the room! She’s bored. There’s nothing to do around here. This school sucks. Her professor won’t clarify on the assignment. She’s waking up at the same time as me, but she calls first shower! (I don’t take showers in the morning) She can have second shower, just as well. It’s so hot out. (There’s a beautiful breeze) The fan gets left on, but the windows must be shut; someone might look in at night when it’s dark. Ew! There’s ants in the room (one crawls across the desk). She needs to wash her hair tomorrow. She needs to dry her hair after. She insists she’s more sensitive than other people; it has to do with the hair. She brought a dozen pairs of shoes with her. She thinks I should try something with a crazy pattern. She makes faces 10x worse than I do. She thinks I'm serious. She just flicked another ant off the desk. She asks questions that she already knows the answers to. She scoffs, after I give her advice she asked for, because I only have a year's worth of experience more than she does.

Little does she know.

"I plan the flow."

We live our lives, stumbling upon what comes to us. Taking what we are given at each step. Being unaware of what we might come upon next leaves us in some sort of suspenseful universe. It’s not a life without expectations, but rather one that allows for the least amount of disappointment. An idea of what we would like to happen next is fine. It gives us some sort of determination to do whatever we can to potentially get to that. Having motivation to get us through the transitional period from one place in life to the next is the best thing we can possibly have. This allows us to continue through the days, “going with the flow”, but still in movement to reach our destination. The best things in life are not forced and seem to occur effortlessly, when really, our determination came with big efforts…only spread out.

Those that go looking for what comes next push for everything to happen. They look too hard and force things. Then, when something does not go as they hoped, they are either destroyed or angered. It is not wrong to go through life with some sort of search in mind, but don’t go looking to make things happen. Things forced, do not end well. If things do not make a fit naturally, then they simply don’t belong that way.